Thursday, March 12, 2009

Making Amends...

A while back a dear friend of mine posted on her blog about making amends with people. Well, she really made me stop and think about my life. God had been dealing with me to ask for forgiveness from someone for quite awhile now, and finally after reading her brave post... I surrendered. I typed out my email and prayed over it...and prayed again and yet again for God to let me use the right words to express my regret of how I handled the situation. Yes, I was hurt, but did I really need to say that or act that way...the answer was a firm and definite "NO!". I could have handled things so much better. So, with a prayer being said...I pressed "Send". The response I got back was not really what I was hoping for. It wasn't mean. It was forgiving. I guess I was wanting this person to express a desire to discuss things and straighten things out...I was hoping a sincere reconcilation could occur. But, alias, I got a basic "you are forgiven" and that was it. I felt hurt flood in. I hadn't gotten what I had hoped for. I am praying that God may continue to work in this relationship. I would love for us to be able to sit down and discuss things...why decisions were made, why things were said and get down to the "whole" story and not just the side I was presented with. This should have happened when it first happened...I didn't allow it to. I jumped to conclusions about things after just hearing one side of the story. I reacted with hurt and anger. Ugh! Another screw up on my part! I look back on the past and think "What if..." so much. I get so frustrated with myself and what I have allowed.
At least I was brave enough to reach out and ask for forgiveness and express my deepest and sincerest apology over the situation. I won't have that regret hanging over my head (thanks to my brave friend and her blog!). I just pray that God will continue to heal both parties and that somehow...we can overcome the past.

1 comment:

Janelle said...

I think you ARE brave. I am very proud of you. Who knew how powerful sending a letter/email could be. The send button...a hard one to push...lol

At least you got a response. Although it was not one you were hoping for or expecting, at least you received one. I didn't receive acknowledgement, recognition verbally or electronically toward my email. It was if it was NEVER sent and the events NEVER happened.

I have learned that unfulfilled expectations are just resentments WAITING to happen. I expect too much of people. NO ONE can be to me what God is, not even my spouse. I love to be loved. I love to be needed. However, not everyone is going to like me. I'm not going to be friends with everyone (even those I have been friends with for MANY years). Jesus' own people (the Jews) rejected him. I was sad to see this friendship change, but at least I know I have done MY part and my concsious is clear before the Lord.

Keep smiling Wendy. You are on the road to serenity. The boundary lines may look a little different than before, but praise God you are on your way!!! I love you.