Monday, November 29, 2010

Something more.....

Have you ever looked at your life and thought...there must be something more? That is where I'm at. I enjoy being a wife and mother. But, there has to be something more. What am I missing? And how can I fit that something more into my life as a wife and mother?
I know that God wants me to take care of my family and to do it well. I strive to be that Proverbs 31 woman. But, somehow, I feel like I should be doing more...
This feeling won't leave! I feel so frustrated!
What's even more frustrating is that when I try to plug in and become more...I get shot down by others. You know the ones...they want your creativity and input but then don't use it or pass it off as their own. Or they take advantage of your desire to become more and abuse that willingness to serve by you becoming their own personal "servant". And heaven forbid that you stand up for your self, because then you get completely cut off and the cold shoulder and treated even worse! Taking a deep breath! Whew! What's a girl to do?!
It seems like I'm fighting the same old battles over and over again...just add a different person or a different situation to it...but it's the same feelings, the same insecurities, the same distrust of people, the same let down of thinking that this time it will be different. Where do I fit in God's plan? Am I trying to make myself fit where I don't belong? Am I doing what God wants me to do and just letting myself feel doubt and frustration? So many questions rolling around in my head!
I do wish that God would give me a huge bright neon sign telling me exactly what He wants me to do!! I know my gifting, but where do I plug in? I know what my passion is, but where do I use it?
I guess I will keep praying for wisdom and discernment. And keep praising God for allowing me to see situations and people for what they are...something a couple of years ago I wasn't able to do. At least the blinders have been removed in that area, now to know how to deal with the truth that I see. I know that every situation and every trial only perfects me to be the person that my Lord wants me to be. So, I'm trying to seek His wisdom in all of this and instead of wishing others to change, I am focusing on how I need to change. I am searching for His peace, His wisdom and His plan in all of only if I could find that blasted neon sign!!!

1 comment:

Janelle Flint said...

I love you!!! Can I flash THAT in neon?? :-)

I am so proud of you and the way that you have turned your heart toward the Lord with a passion to seek Him in all areas.

I could SOOOO relate to this post. Today God gave me an idea I would love to run past you. Just an idea. Maybe we can chat soon?